Hey boss editors of mine! Welcome to the year 2004! Great and original concept for the next issue--nobody has ever done a green-theme before.
After this issue, the only tolerated references to "green" in my life will be: al green, green monster, money, and weed.
I am going to go home now so that I can turn all the lights on, plug in all my electronics, run the faucets, and blast the air conditioners before I drive my Hummer to a far-away steak house while tossing paper and plastic bags out the window. Ooh, maybe I'll stop at Sam's Club on the way to pick up an economy-sized pack of Poland Spring and little packets of condiments! The world, and everyone on it, can kiss my ass.
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