My friend F. recently told me that I've always been a "tumultuous" girl, which is hard to argue with. The last few years (actually the last five) have been particularly tumultuous, but things have really quieted down recently. So on some level I've been realizing that perhaps cigarette smoking was one of the few remaining self-destructive behaviors from my youth that I've held onto. There was a time when I was much younger when I didn't associate smoking with recurring financial woes, an accelerated march towards death, poor health and rapid mood swings. As I got older, I realized that I had developed some habits I couldn't control that were acting as a buffer against some of the more positive growth spurts in my life. Maybe, like Ms. Nicks, I have always been a storm, but at some point it becomes an exhausting way to live.
But now this too is under control, one of the last stinging remnants of my formerly messy self. Things are on a seriously positive upswing, and as more and more of the unhealthy thinking and behaviors I've fallen into are eliminated, I am seeing some weird patches of sun through that crazy sky. I think this has been one of the most important decisions I have made, at least in the last year. Overcoming a physical addiction definitely makes most other changes seem more manageable.
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